An Irish Blessing:
Always remember to forget
The things that made you sad.
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad.Always remember to forget
The friends that proved untrue.
But never forget to remember
Those that have stuck by you.Always remember to forget
The troubles that passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Sláinte! (Cheers!)
hftg
Every house tells a story. Who lived here before you? What did they do? How did they live? Was there more happiness and laughter than sorrow and pain? Were children born here? Did anyone die here? Why did they leave? Where did they go? These are just some of the questions that fill my mind when I look at a house, especially an old house.
I love history. That, combined with a natural (almost feline-like) curiosity, is what motivates me to research everything that catches my fancy — family origins, different countries, cultures, religions and, yes, houses.
So, when we bought our historic home in the bohemian (as in “free spirit, eclectic, artistic”) village of Coconut Grove (in South Florida), I was thrilled. What struck me was that the house had really, really good energy. Now, this is not my imagination. Every friend or family member who has either visited or stayed overnight in this home has said exactly the same thing: It’s got good vibes. And, I’m happy to say, it’s also got good bones.
But, like most old houses, it is not without some “challenges.” Built in 1928, this small house – with loads of windows and creaky floors – has been a haven for many families. Laughter and tears, births and deaths, triumph and defeat – it’s seen it all. Now it’s our turn to play a role in its long history.
Coconut Grove was first inhabited in 1825 by an influx of Americans from the Northeastern United States, as well as British and Bahamian immigrants. Formerly an independent city, Coconut Grove became annexed to the city of Miami in 1925. It is Miami’s oldest village and the beautiful architecture, rich tropical flora, artistic community, delightful restaurants, cafés and shops make it a highly desirable place to live … or, at the very least, visit.
Native flora in Coconut Grove
Our cottage-like house was built by the Bahamians (as in “from the Bahamas”) who first lived in it. As was customary at the time, builders made use of all the available natural materials indigenous to the area, such as coral and Miami-Dade pine. Homes were simple, yet full of character. Back in the day, there was no air conditioning and, as such, air flow via windows (windows, windows, everywhere!) was how the steamy South Florida weather was made bearable.
Thankfully, the previous homeowners have managed to preserve much of the original character of our home. We have thick Miami-Dade pine frames around all doorways and windows. We have a beautiful coral fireplace. And, we even have a barn — complete with the original doors! Of course, we currently use it as a garage but we intend to convert it into a two-story architect’s studio with a roof-top deck. However, we will keep the first floor (with original doors) completely intact.
Our “barn” (with Bacchus standing guard!)
We’ve had to streamline our life. Over three decades, we’ve collected so much “stuff.” Too much stuff. At some point, it becomes almost obscene, this collection of material things. When this house beckoned to us (it really did!), we knew that it was time to downsize and simplify. So, we’ve been taking stalk of what is really important to us and, amazingly, the downsizing process has become quite simple. There are many others who need these things far more than us. And it’s to these families that we will pass them on.
And, so, the house is a work in progress and its story continues to the next chapter…
He may be silent, but his eyes speak volum
es. He is my muse. A gentle, guiding spirit who curls up beside me whilst I write for hours on end.
As I’ve mentioned before, his name is Bacchus and he will be 11 years old next month. Surprisingly, although his fur is greying, he is as spry as ever. Nevertheless, we decided to buy him a large Red Radio Flyer Wago
n, complete with padding (bottom and sides) and installed with an “umbrella” to keep the UV rays out. When we take him for a long walk, we lift him into the wagon as he gets tired. He can lie down comfortably and enjoy the scenery or take a nap as we continue our stroll. I know this sounds a bit over the top but, he is – after all – our “son.” (Note: we also have doggie ramps ready to be installed for that time – hopefully not for a while yet – when stairs become a challenge for him). People do look at us rather strangely, but we don’t mind appearing a little “eccentric.”
We feed him natural, preservative-free food — a combination of home-cooked and Orijen (a wonderful brand – made in Canada, of course!) , which makes his coat shiny and soft.
Bacchus came into our lives when he was an 8-week old puppy. He has been a source of joy from the first day I held him in my arms. He has taught us a lot about loyalty, love, patience, and trust. Most importantly, he helps us to understand — truly — that life doesn’t need to be as complex as we humans make it out to be. There is serenity in simplicity. Bacchus continues to help us keep things in perspective.
Right now, I feel his breath on my feet. He is content, eyes half-closed and probably thinking that I spend way too much time on the computer. He’d be right about that. Come to think of it, maybe I should take a break and take him outside to the garden for a bit. It’ll do him good. And me, as well.
Signing off for now …. h.f.t.g.
“He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.” -Unknown
I do not have children. I will not be passing on my legacy through a next generation of my own creation. But please do not misunderstand or make assumptions. This was a conscious choice — made by two people who chose a path which focused exclusively on the pursuit of knowledge, advanced education, career, business ventures, literary pursuits, and travel. If I could turn the clock back, I believe that I would have followed that same path.
So, when I read this passage written by an author I deeply admire —Alexandra Fuller — it resonated with me and, frankly, I couldn’t have articulated my thoughts any better. In the Author’s Note of her novel, Scribbling the Cat: Travels with an African Soldier, Alexandra Fuller says it best:
“What is important is the story.
Because when we are all dust and teeth and kicked-up bits of skin — when we’re dancing with our own skeletons — our words might be all that’s left of us.”
Words. I hope that they will be my legacy.
h.f.t.g.
Image via arkarthick.com.
Ha! I know, you thought I would say that the writer’s greatest tonic is …. perhaps, some scotch (straight up, of course) or a glass of Pinot Noir! Well, I jest you not … a good night’s sleep does indeed stimulate the creative juices. Waking up in the morning and feeling refreshed and alert (until you catch a glimpse of your puffy-eyed reflection in the mirror!) will go a long way to helping you finish that oh-so-wordy chapter 6 (the chapter that keeps on giving ….. me heartburn). All right, enough of my writing woes. Here are some interesting tidbits and links on the physical and psychological benefits of sleep — not just for neurotic writers, but for everyone:
Many of us think that we can get by on very little sleep. When deadlines loom near, we pull a few all-nighters. And this is okay …. once in a while. The startling news is that far too many of us follow a daily sleep regimen of less than 6 hours per night. This, according to researchers at Harvard Medical School, falls under the category of chronic sleep loss and may contribute to a number of health problems, such as a compromised immune system, weight gain, and high blood pressure. The Harvard Women’s Health Watch reports that there are at least 6 good reasons to get enough sleep:
- Learning and memory: Sleep helps the brain commit new information to memory through a process called memory consolidation. In studies, people who’d slept after learning a task did better on tests later.
- Metabolism and weight: Chronic sleep deprivation may cause weight gain by affecting the way our bodies process and store carbohydrates, and by altering levels of hormones that affect our appetite.
- Safety: Sleep debt contributes to a greater tendency to fall asleep during the daytime. These lapses may cause falls and mistakes such as medical errors, air traffic mishaps, and road accidents.
- Mood: Sleep loss may result in irritability, impatience, inability to concentrate, and moodiness. Too little sleep can also leave you too tired to do the things you like to do.
- Cardiovascular health: Serious sleep disorders have been linked to hypertension, increased stress hormone levels, and irregular heartbeat.
- Disease: Sleep deprivation alters immune function, including the activity of the body’s killer cells. Keeping up with sleep may also help fight cancer.
And, here are some sleep guidelines from the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke:
Sleep Requirements by Age
| Newborns (0-2 months old) | 12-18 hours |
| Infants (3-11 months old) | 14-15 Hours |
| Toddlers (1-3 years old)l | 12-14 Hours |
| Pre-schoolers (3-5 years old) | 11-13 Hours |
| School-aged Children (5-10 years old) | 10-11 Hours |
| Teens (11-17 years old) | 8-9 Hours |
| Adults | 7-9 Hours |
And, for those of you who complain incessantly that your mattress is the reason why you don’t sleep well at night — please do some research and then invest in a new mattress!
Sweet dreams …
Sleep – the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.
W. C. Fields
I couldn’t resist.
Cheers, h.f.t.g.
Image via kiwimagonline.com.
For those of you who have been following, reading and enjoying each of my seven New Year revelations …. Thank You.
I would like to point out that they are not New Year Resolutions. I don’t make New Year Resolutions anymore. They are my own personal revelations. Epiphanies. Discoveries. In the past decade, I’ve faced some daunting challenges and heart-wrenching events. I’d like to think that I’ve handled them with dignity, compassion, grace, and humor. Always humor. It helps take the edge off.
So, the lessons that these “life tests” have taught me are my “revelations.” As I move forward with my life, I will use them as my guide. Wisdom has to be earned. For me, it’s a work in progress. I hope that they have inspired and even amused you. I hope that they have made you think long and hard.
Here’s a synopsis:
Revelation No. 1: SIMPLICITY
♦
Revelation No. 2: PAUSE AND TAKE NOTE!
♦
Revelation No. 3: SAY GOODBYE TO REGRETS
♦
Revelation No. 4: TAKE THE SCENIC ROUTE ……. ALWAYS!
♦
Revelation No. 5: ALIGN MIND, BODY & SPIRIT
♦
Revelation No. 6: OPEN THE WINDOWS … AND BREATHE!!!
♦
Revelation No. 7: FIND YOUR PASSION AND DON’T LET GO!
So, there you have it. I believe that 2012 will be an interesting year. One for the history books. I wish you all a blessed, healthy and happy New Year and may your own personal journey towards Grace Light bring you deep fulfillment and wisdom.
Cheers,
h.f.t.g.
Image via blogs.canoe.ca.
“20 years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the one’s you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover” ~ Mark Twain
Many of us know what our passion is. Some call it “Purpose” or “Raison d’Être.” The seeds are — more often than not — planted in childhood. As we grow up, “Life” sometimes gets in the way. Correction. We let it get in the way …. it doesn’t get there by itself (remember, we are each authors of our own destiny). And, if we’re wise, we rediscover it. And when we do, the reunion is joyous. Like renewing old friendships … or … finally getting to meet (face-to-face) a family member that we’ve never had a chance to connect with.
And then there are some who never wavered, never let go of their passion. They made it their Life. They embraced their passion with every fibre of their being and, when they died, they died knowing that they had lived their Passion. These people are, sadly, few and far between. The late Lorena Gale, was one of those special ones.
Most of us juggle our day-to-day lives with our Passion. Half the time is spent at the “day job” (the one that brings home the bacon) and the other half is what we do when we go home …. namely, our Passion. For example, the wonderful 85 year-old music legend that is Tony Bennett obviously loves what he does for a living. But, his real passion is art. He is an artist …. as in, painting. When he is not singing on tour or in concert, he paints. Check out Benedetto Arts, on his site, and prepare to be amazed.
Many of my family members have a day job and, like Anthony Dominick Benedetto, go home and spend quality time doing what they really love to do. One cousin of mine (in Malta) has a passion for painting. He is an exceedingly talented artist. Another cousin (in Canada) is a brilliant – and I mean brilliant – photographer. In his own words, “It’s what I love to do.”
It’s as simple as that. Do what you love to do and you will live a happy life. People will be drawn to you. It’s the law of attraction. You send out positive energy and you receive it back …. in spades.
I’ve always been a Writer. But, like many, I have always had “day jobs.” I was a marketing communications professional for about 25 years. The first five years were in junior and mid-management, the next 5 in senior management, and the following 15 as a consultant.
And then, one day (in the autumn of 2009) I woke up and realized that I had just turned 50. I decided, then and there, that I would — as Mark Twain suggested — “sail away from the safe harbor.”
Fyi …. I can’t swim (well, I can tread water).
So, I decided to follow my passion — full-time. Of course, this meant that I would have to have a lifestyle adjustment. There would be no Louis Vuitton luggage in my immediate future. It meant I would have to forego Macallan 25 for Macallan 12. Scotch, that is. 12 year-old versus the rich-yet-smooth 25 year-old scotch. Oh woe is me.
Ahhhhh, the sacrifices I would have to make!
And, the reward for all this? Here’s the thing. When we follow our bliss, we shouldn’t focus on quantifying it. The reward is not necessarily monetary (although, that certainly doesn’t hurt!). The reward is happiness, serenity, and knowledge. As we seek to master our craft — whatever that craft may be — we acquire knowledge. With that knowledge, comes wisdom.
I can truly say — without reservation — that I am the happiest I have ever been. I live simply. I love deeply. And I write.
May you all find your passion (if you haven’t already done so), and may it bring you great joy — always and forever.
Cheers,
h.f.t.g.
Image via womenonthefence.com.
I have a confession to make. I do not understand people who have absolutely no appreciation of nature. I cannot even fathom staying in the house — all the time — watching television, surfing the internet for hours on end, or — worse — playing games on the computer while the clock ticks and night becomes day. What a waste. Of time, that is. And, even more importantly, it can’t be good for you.
But that’s just my opinion.
One of the greatest elements that we seem to take for granted is …. Oxygen. I’ve always been somewhat claustrophobic, so I appreciate the open air. I equate it with Freedom. When I lived in Montréal (my birthplace), I would open up windows in the middle of winter. Just to breathe in that crisp, cold air. It made me feel alive. Taking a late night walk in the crunchy snow, with my nostrils tingling with cold …. is — for me — simply exhilarating.
Now, I live in a tropical climate and I open the windows to hear the rustle of my bamboo and palm trees and the sound of frogs and parrots. For me, there is nothing — and I mean, nothing — more delightful than smelling the salt air of the ocean and the jasmine … it’s euphoric. As for the sound of the waves and the tide …. for me, that is my idea of Heaven on earth.
Nature is something that we sometimes take for granted. Humor me. Open up all the windows in your house or apartment. Breathe in some fresh air. Appreciate the outdoors and welcome it into your home. You’ll feel lighter, happier and refreshed (okay, those of you living in the colder climates may need to wear a sweater!!) .
Just breathe. Oxygen is good for you.
Image via andrewsullivanthedailybeast.com.
Ever stop and wonder whether it’s really, really necessary to rush about (almost manically, sometimes) each day – from point A to point B, zig-zagging through traffic to make that green light (which will inevitably turn red, just as you reach it, no matter how fast you drive), or chauffeuring the teenage kids (some of whom feel that they are entitled to parental limo service) to all their activities and social events?
Do we often impose imaginary deadlines or unreasonable time limitations on ourselves? Are we biting off more than we can chew? Or, more to the point, are we over-scheduling ourselves and perhaps need a refresher course on how to manage our time more reasonably?
Most importantly, are we cheating ourselves of the simple, serene moments (so very necessary for the nourishment of mind, soul and body) — like stopping to marvel at someone’s beautiful front garden, slowing down the car to gaze at a breathtaking sunset, stepping out to frolic in the snow (we’re never too old for that!), or taking a nice evening stroll just after dinner. Let the teenagers carpool with one of their friend’s parents or – here’s a novel idea – tell them to take the bus! We did . Back in the day. And, incidentally, we didn’t have cell phones back then, to call anyone in case of emergency.
Again, I digress.
Here’s another heatherfromthegrove anecdote. My husband rides a Harley (Fat Boy — the motorcycle, that is, not my husband!). I happily ride on the back of the Harley. We both love it. Riding, with the wind in our faces, well … the word that comes to mind is Freedom. When we ride, we feel free. It is the most exhilarating experience. Yet, so many times, we’ve had to go places and he would ask me (every single time): “Do you want to take the scenic route, or go the fast way?” Often – too often – I answered “The fast way.” Why? I felt some irrational need to hurry. I was cheating myself. My husband – a very, very sage man – knew that I was choosing the wrong path. He would always ask the question twice – the second time, he’d say “Are you sure you don’t want to take the scenic route?” The implication of the second question went right over my head. I was blinded by my own imaginary timing.
It should be noted that whenever we took the scenic route, we would ride with grins from ear-to-ear. Ahhhhhh …. the sights, smells, sounds…. simply delightful! Then we’d stop for a bite to eat and enjoy each other’s company. We took our time. And, the amazing thing was that we somehow managed to do all the things we had set out to do that day. Imagine that!
Fyi … now, we take the scenic route – every time. Life is too short for compromises.
So, if you ever have to choose between taking the fastest route or the scenic route….. always, ALWAYS take the scenic route.
You won’t be disappointed.
It appears that animals are often times more spiritually enlightened than we humans. Below, Bacchus (my “son”) takes a moment to gaze at the scenery (Bear Creek Canyon in the Santa Cruz Mountains – Northern California).
“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” − Sydney J. Harris
I have regrets. There are things I’ve said and done that I can’t undo. I can say with certainty, however, that they were never words or actions made with mal-intent. More often than not, they were a result of hasty actions and unsound judgement.
I can’t change the past, but I have learned some very hard lessons. And although I cannot re-write history, I sure as hell won’t repeat history.
I believe that – at the end of each day – we should be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and look into our own eyes, unflinchingly. That should be the goal of every man and woman. If you can look deep into your own eyes, without wincing, then you’ve lived through a day with complete authenticity – with no regrets.
I also believe that when we err (we are human and therefore subject to flaws, after all), we must learn from our mistakes and move on. Just as we should strive to forgive others, so should we try to forgive ourselves.
Ha! Forgiveness. Why is it always easier to forgive others, but not ourselves? Do we hold ourselves to a higher standard than others? Are we too arrogant? Masochistic? Too bull-headed? Perhaps all of the above. But, forgive ourselves…we must. Time will take care of the rest.
As for myself, I will forgive … but I will never forget.
And then there’s that other type of Regret, equally torturous to the soul – but for a completely different reason. The regret of “what might have been.” This type of regret usually kicks us in the gut somewhere in the mid-forties and onwards (typically on milestone birthdays).
“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.” − Mercedes Lackey
I have very little patience for the “woe is me” syndrome or people who use “bad luck” or “circumstances” as an excuse for not following their bliss. Granted, sometimes life throws us some hard knocks. But, it’s how we choose to deal with these obstacles that will either steer us towards or away from our path – whatever that may be.
Choices. They make us or break us. Some are reversible, others are not. And, sometimes we have to do some serious damage control (the fancy term for this is “crisis management”).
But, we all must remind ourselves this: we (each of us) own our own lives. Choose each path thoughtfully. That way, you minimize the possibility of future regrets. Let me tell you a little story:
When I was young, I loved ballet, opera, theatre, music, and books. Always books. Many (many) decades later, I still love ballet, opera, theatre, music, and books. Books are the things (inanimate) that I hold most dear.
However, I never became a prima ballerina (although with my hips, I would have made a great belly dancer!). My deepest fantasy has always been to dance with Mikhail Baryshnikov and, alas, it is also my deepest regret that I never shall ….
I never became another Maria Callas (although, I do irritate the hell out of my husband when I attempt to sing “Nessun Dorma” – full throttle).
I am no Meryl Streep (most definitely, no Angelina Jolie!).
I will never play the piano like Montréal jazz pianist Jamie Gelfand (he’s another brilliant talent who, like Lorena Gale, attended Marianopolis College at the same time as myself).
Now, here’s where it gets interesting (at least for me…. you, on the other hand, may possibly be snoozing at this point…hope not!). My old faithful friends — my books — have provided me with the inspiration, motivation, and deepest passion …. to write.
And so, I am a Writer. This is my bliss. Non, je ne regrette rien. (No, I regret nothing). I have become who I was meant to be and I love it all —the sleepless nights, the swollen feet (lack of circulation from sitting at the computer for ten hours straight), the angst, the critiques, the sheer joy of creating characters and scenarios and on and on… .
So, please say goodbye to regrets. Follow your bliss. Don’t create imaginary roadblocks for yourself. Just do it. And love every minute of it.
Cheers,
h.f.t.g.
Image by/via Cyrus Mafi.
heatherfromthegrove 