Things that make you go hmmm…

Posted on March 18, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

Back in the day, late night comedian Arsenio Hall had a segment in his comedy act (The Arsenio Hall Show), called “Things that make you go hmmm… “

Now, we’ve all had those moments when we’ve heard or seen things that simply defy logic. Afterwards, we’d walk away, shaking our heads in amazement or disbelief and muttering to ourselves: “Did he really just say that? Am I missing something?” or “If I didn’t see that with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it!”

To start out the week with a chuckle, I thought I’d share some of my recent “Hmmm” experiences with you.

1. Measure twice, cut once. Translation: “No worries, man, so what if we’re off by a few inches? Who’ll notice it?”

So, several homes in my neighborhood are in various stages of restoration. Most are being rebuilt or refurbished by licensed contractors and overseen by certified architects. Their work is being performed in strict accordance with the county’s building code standards. Then there are the homeowners who, for reasons of budget or simply bureaucratic defiance, choose to hire unsupervised day laborers. One particular home has been the source of many “hmmms” among the neighbors. The homeowner, residing in another country, hired these men (sight unseen) to do a quickie, makeshift reno on a house that is a dilapidated eyesore (one step away from being condemned). Every weekend, the men bring their tools and their generator (the county pulled the house’s power meters out when it was discovered that the day laborers had installed the meters improperly and without a permit) and they work steadily, hammering and sawing. To their credit, they do work hard and with very few breaks. However, when they installed new ingress and egress doors, they didn’t seem to worry about the two-inch high opening across the top of the doors. Perhaps they thought the house needed some open air ventilation.

Months later, the gaps remain. And flying palmetto bugs (South Florida’s version of cockroaches) happily fly into the house on a regular basis. At least it’s no longer unoccupied.

2. Beautiful tropical flora be gone, I say, be gone!

One day, I decided to take a leisurely stroll through The Grove (Coconut Grove, that is). I stopped suddenly when I saw a man waving a big machete, frantically hacking away all the lovely trees, vines and bushes surrounding a little cottage. When he stopped to wipe his face with a cloth (it was a hot and humid mid-afternoon), I asked him why he was destroying all the beautiful foliage. He said that the homeowner preferred a stark, easy-to-maintain yard. I suggested that if he really wanted to remove the foliage, he would need to pull them out by the roots or else they would grow right back. He said that that’s what he was trying to do. (Note: the only tool in sight was a machete). I looked at him, just to make sure that he was copis mentis (of sound mind). Then, I shook my head and walked away. When I saw the yard a day later, I was horrified to see a barren yard with roots and stumps sticking out from everywhere.

By the summertime, the cherry bushes and jasmine vines had grown and blossomed. The garden was restored (almost) to its rustic glory. It’s like a tropical rainforest over here in South Florida. Everything grows at warp speed.

Share some of your “Things that make you go hmmm .. “ stories. I’d love to hear from you!

Photo of Arsenio Hall via Comicbooksdaily.com.

Taking the scenic route

Posted on February 23, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

When you find yourself at a crossroad, do you take the most familiar route or do you take a chance on a different path, in the hope that you will discover something new and exciting?

Whenever I’ve been faced with the decision to drive along the faster, more commonly used road, I always prefer to take the scenic route. And, I am rarely, if ever, disappointed.

The ride may not be as smooth or as safe, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. The insights and adventures far outweigh the intermittent bumps. Bumps are, after all, simply life lessons in disguise.

I dedicate this Robert Frost poem to all of you who, like myself, prefer to take the path less traveled.

The Road Not Taken

― by Robert Frost

Bamboo in Full Bloom

Posted on January 28, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

“Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.”

~ Bruce Lee (November 27, 1940 – July 20, 1973)

The sound of rustling bamboo leaves can be heard throughout my house when the windows are open. By day, I love to do my writing while sitting in my side garden, surrounded by a grove of these beautiful, mystical trees. And, at night, I can see shadows of the wondrously resilient bamboo stalks as they dance with the wind, while weaving in and out of the moonlight. They fill me with a sense of quiet joy and complete serenity.

Back in October, I wrote a couple of posts about the bamboo stalk that was sprouting in my garden and how it was shooting up towards the sky ― higher and higher, as the days passed. Within the space of just a few weeks, it was well over twenty feet above my roof line. Now, it looks like a majestic feather, swaying in the wind. Below, you can see my photos of this amazing tree, as it has evolved.

In my October 7^th (2012) post , The Spirit of Bamboo, I mentioned that this fast-growing stalk has inspired my husband and I to “keep raising our eyes in the same direction of our wonderful bamboo …. upwards, always upwards.”

On October 28th (2012), I wrote Bamboo Rising, where I listed The 7 Life Lessons from Bamboo (by Sompong Yusoontorn).

And here it is today (see photo, below). A symbolism of simplicity and humility, flexibility and strength. In the Asian culture, it is believed that the younger branches on the top of the bamboo stalk will never overshadow the older, larger branches below. This is so the sunlight will reach the elder branches. Conversely, the baby shoots are protected from the shade of the older branches, so that they may have a chance to grow. The dual symbolism is that the bamboo represents the young respecting the old and the old protecting the young.

Awesome, isn’t it?

I’ll leave you with an excerpt from William Edgar Geil‘s “Ode to Bamboo” (written over a century ago). An American Baptist missionary and adventurer who was fascinated by China, Dr. Geil made history as the first person to traverse the Great Wall of China in an 82-day excursion. In his Ode, he describes his observations on the usefulness and wonders of Bamboo:

“A man can sit in a bamboo house under a bamboo roof, on a bamboo chair at a bamboo table, with a bamboo hat on his head and bamboo sandals on his feet. He can at the same time hold in one hand a bamboo bowl, in the other hand bamboo chopsticks and eat bamboo sprouts. When through with his meal, which has been cooked over a bamboo fire, the table may be washed with a bamboo cloth, and he can fan himself with a bamboo fan, take a siesta on a bamboo bed, lying on a bamboo mat with his head resting on a bamboo pillow. His child might be lying in a bamboo cradle, playing with a bamboo toy. On rising he would smoke a bamboo pipe and taking a bamboo pen, write on bamboo paper, or carry his articles in bamboo baskets suspended from a bamboo pole, with a bamboo umbrella over his head. He might then take a walk over a bamboo suspension bridge, drink water from a bamboo ladle, and scrape himself with a bamboo scraper.”

My Books, My Friends

Posted on January 9, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

“A book is the only place in which you can examine a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea without fear it will go off in your face. It is one of the few havens remaining where a man’s mind can get both provocation and privacy.”

~ Edward P. Morgan

When I was a young girl, my mother would often call out to me and say “Your friends are at the front door. They want to know when you’ll be going out to play.” From my bedroom, where I was curled up in my armchair like a content puppy — nose deep in a gripping novel, I would shout back (adjusting my glasses, as I did so): “Tell them I’ll be out as soon as I finish this chapter!” Ten chapters later, my mother would peek around the door and say “Go out and get some fresh air. Your friends will begin to think that you don’t like them anymore.” Reluctantly, I would put a bookmark in my book and then, very lovingly, place it down on the side table. I’d walk past my mother, who smiled and shook her head (did she actually roll her eyes at me … really?).

Many decades later, nothing much has changed. With a few exceptions. My mother died over seven years ago and I miss her so much that it hurts. My childhood friends still live in Canada (while I now live in South Florida). But, we still keep in touch. Thank goodness for Facebook!

As fate would have it, my husband likes to spend some time in the company of his own mind, as I do. So, when I get lost inside my head, reading a thought-provoking piece of fiction or non-fiction, I am rarely interrupted.

Virtually every room in our house has bookshelves filled with books. Every possible discipline — from literature, biographies, history, law and philosophy to engineering, architecture, music and art. And everything in between.

They are not there for show. I say this because a few people (not readers themselves) have actually asked whether we truly read them! We read them. Some, we’ve read over and over again.

“The scholar only knows how dear these silent, yet eloquent, companions of pure thoughts and innocent hours become in the season of adversity. When all that is worldly turns to dross around us, these only retain their steady value.”

~ Washington Irving

When I walk into a room full of books, I am filled with a sense of comfort and well-being. I know every single book that is in the house and each is alphabetized and organized by discipline/category.

Libraries are sacred sanctuaries filled with knowledge — private libraries, public libraries, university libraries …. all of them! That wonderfully musty smell of old leather and paper, the silence (you can hear a pin drop), the rows and rows of books … it’s heaven.

“A good book is the purest essence of a human soul.”

~ Thomas Carlyle (excerpt from his speech in support of the London Library, 1840)

Reading is not only good for the soul, it exercises the mind and helps reduces stress.

Yes, my books are my friends. They are the gifts I treasure most. And, as a writer, they never cease to encourage, challenge and humble me.

heatherfromthegrove: A Wrap-up of My 7 New Year Revelations

Posted on January 7, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

As I said before (on this very same day, last year):

“For those of you who have been following, reading and enjoying each of my seven New Year revelations …. Thank You.

I would like to point out that they are not New Year Resolutions. I don’t make New Year Resolutions anymore. They are my own personal revelations. Epiphanies. Discoveries. In the past decade, I’ve faced some daunting challenges and heart-wrenching events. I’d like to think that I’ve handled them with dignity, compassion, grace, and humor. Always humor. It helps take the edge off.

So, the lessons that these “life tests” have taught me are my “revelations.” As I move forward with my life, I will use them as my guide. Wisdom has to be earned. For me, it’s a work in progress. I hope that they have inspired and even amused you. I hope that they have made you think long and hard.”

Here’s a synopsis (the numbers have a hyperlink back to each revelation post):

Revelation No. 1: LOVE — WITHOUT RESERVATIONS, CONDITIONS OR EXPECTATIONS

Revelation No. 2: KINDNESS IS CONTAGIOUS

Revelation No. 3: RESIST THE MAÑANA SYNDROME

Revelation No. 4: PRACTICE A LITTLE PATIENCE

Revelation No. 5: NEVER, NEVER ASSUME!

Revelation No. 6: UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “EMBRACE” AND “TOLERATE”

Revelation No. 7: TAKE A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE

And the journey continues. I believe that 2013 will be a renaissance of sorts. I know that I’m looking forward to tying up some loose ends in my life, having my book launched at the end of February, and taking time out to read, sharing precious moments with the creatures (two-legged and four-legged!) I love most, and … of course … dancing in the rain!

I wish you all a blessed, healthy and happy 2013 and may your own personal journey bring you deep fulfillment and wisdom. Remember, we are all — each of us — a work in progress!

Image via eclectic-eccentric.com.

New Year’s Revelation No. 7 of 7: Take a Walk on the Wild Side

Posted on January 7, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

~ Mark Twain

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. I have it posted up on the wall of my study.

We only have one life. We never know how much time we have left, so we’ve really got to make the most of it. Make the time to be with the people you love. Splash around in the rain! Throw a few snowballs. Step out of your comfort zone and try out something new. Eat something different and more exotic. Take a walk on the wild side … and savour every damn minute of it!

Life flies by so fast. We’ve got to grab on tight to its wings, so that we can enjoy every adventure along the way.

I’ll leave you with the lyrics and video of a song that encapsulates what I really mean. It’s a song by Lee Ann Womack, called “I Hope You Dance.” Now, I’m not an avid country music fan, but I absolutely love this song.

All of her words reflect exactly what I wish for you, dearest readers.

Thanks for stopping by.

Lyrics (partial) for I Hope You Dance (by Lee Ann Womack)

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance!
I hope you dance!

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they’re worth takin’
Lovin’ might be a mistake, but it’s worth makin’
Don’t let some hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance!
I hope you dance!

Images via congchurchexeter.org (binoculars) and thefifowife.com.au (dancer).

New Year’s Revelation No. 6 of 7: Understand the Difference between “Embrace” and “Tolerate”

Posted on January 6, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

“Our task must be to free ourselves…by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.”

~ Albert Einstein

I’m going to keep this very short and sweet. In my view, there is only one (1) race. It is the human race. And the beautiful thing about the human race is that we come in so many different shapes, sizes, ages, colors, creeds, cultures, languages, and personalities.

Wouldn’t it be so infinitely boring if we all looked and acted alike? Oh, I know, we take comfort in the people, things, and places that are most like us, most familiar to us. But, the “fear of the unknown and unfamiliar” should not bar us from meeting new people, enjoying fresh experiences, and basking in the realization that, although we are different, we share one common thing …… humanity.

“Our greatest strength as a human race is our ability to acknowledge our differences, our greatest weakness is our failure to embrace them.”

~ Judith Henderson

To tolerate someone means that we can bear to be around them (put up with them). In my view, the word “tolerate” denotes arrogance (i.e. “I tolerate you but, in reality, I don’t want to be around you”).

To embrace means to open your arms to someone — regardless of who they are or where they’re from. Now, this is what I’m talking about!

The choice is yours.

“We have become not a melting pot but a beautiful mosaic. Different people, different beliefs, different yearnings, different hopes, different dreams.”
~ Jimmy Carter

Image via gerberbabycontest.net.

New Year’s Revelation No. 5 of 7: Never, Never Assume!

Posted on January 5, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

“We have a tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we BELIEVE they are the truth.

We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking, we take it personally, and then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word.

We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We don’t perceive things the way they are; we literally dream things up in our imagination. Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions that we believe are right, then we defend our assumptions and try to make others wrong.

…

The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions. Make sure the communication is clear. If you don’t understand, ask. Have the courage to ask questions until you are as clear as you can be. Once you hear the answer, you will not have to make assumptions because you will know the truth.”

~ an excerpt from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Sure, we are all guilty of making assumptions every so often and when we do, nine out of ten times we’re completely off the mark. Sadly, people often make assumptions —not because they are afraid to ask for clarification, as Don Miguel Ruiz suggests — but because they choose to sit in judgment. They are convinced that they are right, despite possible evidence to the contrary or without bothering to delve a little deeper. They are influenced by their own personal biases. Still worse, they then spread their poisonous thoughts, sometimes publicly, not caring about the damage they have wrought. That is how reputations get ruined. In some cases, the damage results in financial ruin and, in more extreme cases, suicide.

We see this all the time. Public figures, like celebrities and politicians, are crucified in the media. Private citizens are not immune from this type of unwanted attention and undeserving judgment. Just turn on the news channel or pick up the local paper and you’ll see someone’s unfortunate personal mistake or trauma plastered all over the news. Sadly, many people believe what they read or see on television. Personally, I always feel very sorry for someone whose personal life challenges are made public, regardless of whether they’ve done something wrong. I feel for them and their families and imagine what they must be going through.

Whatever happened to simple, human compassion? We shouldn’t be so quick to bring down the gavel.

James 4:12: There is one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you that you judge your neighbor?

Assumptions are often made based on how we look or dress. Here are a few examples of erroneous and ignorant assumptions: If you always dress completely in black, you must be sinister; If you wear t-shirts and jeans all the time, you probably don’t have much money; Being fat equates to being lazy; If you wear glasses, you must be intelligent; If you have tattoos and body piercings, you’re bad news; Redheads have hot tempers; Blonde women are airheads; and on, and on … .

“While you judge me by my outward appearance, I am silently doing the same to you, even though there’s a ninety-percent chance that in both cases our assumptions are wrong.”

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

Back in 1981, I attended one of my husband’s electrical engineering classes at the University. Although I was a political science major, I wanted to “take a walk on the wild side” and learn a little about the world of engineering so that I could better understand his chosen field of study. For the life of me, I can’t recall what the subject of the lecture was, but I do remember (to this day) something that the professor said. He turned to the class and shook his finger, saying (very emphatically, I might add): “Never, never assume!”

We have made this our mantra ever since.

Image via heartspiritmind.com.

New Year’s Revelation No. 4 of 7: Practice a Little Patience

Posted on January 4, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The duck and her ducklings were not too fussed about bringing heavy road traffic to a halt. They’re just trying to go from point A to point B safely and at their own pace, regardless of any red-faced, honking drivers who are raising their blood pressure in outrage at being inconvenienced for five minutes or so … by ducks! The wiser attitude would be to smile, enjoy the scene and take that five-minute opportunity to sit back and relax. No car can move on until the ducks make their way across the street, anyways. So, isn’t it a pointless waste of energy to be angry and impatient?

When we are impatient, we act irrationally. Then, we appear ridiculous (to others … and even to ourselves, if we’re really being honest).

Take, for example, the number of times we engage in a war of words (via email), where we receive an email that makes us angry and we immediately write a response and press “send.” This has happened to me a few times and I always, always regret having responded so quickly. The end result is never what we want it to be. It would have been smarter to chew on it for a bit and then respond sometime later, when rational thinking and proper perspective has kicked in.

When we are impatient, we make mistakes that we can’t take back. Then, we’re forced to do damage control. Patience is the antidote to anger and aggression. Seethe and then breathe. You can sit in the energy of your anger, feel the anger and then slowly let it go.

Did you ever stand in the check-out line at the supermarket and, fifth in line, you’re waiting and waiting …. and then you see the cashier having a nice chat with a customer? Oh, they’re laughing and talking, impervious to the long line of now highly annoyed people. Does it really hurt to share a few pleasantries? Are we so important (in our own mind) that we need to be served immediately, chop-chop?

When we are impatient, we forget to breathe. Just inhale slowly and, then exhale slowly … and repeat.

Patience is all about self-mastery and control. We cannot control what people say or do to us, but we can control how we conduct ourselves and how we respond.

In Buddhist thinking, the perfection of patience (ksanti) has three essential dimensions:

The ability to endure personal hardship.
Patience with others.
Acceptance of the truth.

1. Enduring personal hardship: Personal hardship encompasses a wide spectrum of issues, such as illness, financial problems, the death of a loved one, devastation from a natural disaster … and so on. Patience, in these instances, comes with the acceptance that there are times in our lives when we are faced with trials and tribulations, that they are most often temporary, and that we must not let ourselves be defeated by despair. To face difficulties constructively, rather than destructively, is to endure personal hardship with patience. Think of the expression “This, too, shall pass.”

2. Patience with others: Anger is a very destructive energy. It can explode or (if we allow it to) it can fester. The way to nip anger and impatience in the bud is by cultivating a sense of equanimity (calm and balance). And to treat others with kindness, even if our knee-jerk reaction is to throttle them. Think of the expression “kill him with kindness.”

3. Acceptance of the truth: In Saint Augustine’s words, “Patience is the companion of wisdom.” It peels away the layers of arrogance, ingratitude and judgmental thinking. It allows us to accept the things we cannot change and to accept our experiences as they are — suffering and all — rather than how we want them to be. This translates to people, as well as experiences. We must be patient with people and accept them for who they are, not who we want them to be.

The lessons that we learn from Patience will have an irrevocable, positive effect on our lives. It will lift our spirit, cultivate good character, and we will receive that end-of-the-rainbow treasure that we all seek: not a pot of gold, but something much more precious …. Happiness.

I’ll leave you with this really sweet commercial video, called “Patience …pass it on.”

Image (ducks) via bookerpetcare.co.uk

New Year’s Revelation No. 3 of 7: Resist the Mañana Syndrome

Posted on January 3, 2013 by heatherfromthegrove

“Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination: never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.”
~ Lord Chesterfield

In theory, I completely concur with Lord Chesterfield. In practice, however, I’ve been known to occasionally follow Scarlett O’Hara’s logic (from Gone with the Wind): “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow …… After all, tomorrow is another day.”

Putting things off until tomorrow — or, as I like to call it, The Mañana Syndrome …. has been a challenge for me throughout my life — not because I’m lazy, but because I always have so many concurrent projects and so many lists-upon-lists-upon-lists, that it becomes overwhelming sometimes. And then I completely detach. But, something changed for me last summer. It wasn’t any specific event or drama. I was just sitting at my computer, with Janis Joplin rasping in the background. The song was Ball and Chain and the lyrics that spoke to me were:

“That’s what it is, man. If you got it today you don’t wear it tomorrow, man. ‘Cause you don’t need it. ‘Cause as a matter of fact, as we discovered on the train, tomorrow never happens, man. It’s all the same fxxxxxx day, man.”

And, right there and then, I thought to myself “What if tomorrow never happens?” I would not want to leave this world without having done the things I needed and wanted to do. Now, I know that I’m taking the meaning of Janis’ lyrics out of context … but it just triggered something in my head. So, then I thought “How can I complete what I need to complete?” And the answers came to me in short staccato words and phrases: You’re not Superwoman. Be reasonable. Prioritize. Compartmentalize. Streamline. Keep it simple. Stop writing lists. Take a breath.

Let’s be real, here. This is not a Mensa puzzle. I just needed to tweak my thinking and my process of multitasking. And so I did.

It worked. My book, Casualties of the Recession Depression, is written and currently in the editing phase. The launch is set for the 26^th of February, barring any glitches. And, I’ll soon pick up where I left off on my next book, When the Child Becomes the Parent. Everything is on track and on schedule.

Yet, each day I make time to read a book while enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of my garden.

Speaking of thought processes, I’ll leave you with another very loosely related anecdote. One evening, my husband and I were gazing up at the stars. I asked him “What do you see when you look up in the sky?” He looked at me quizzically and said “Well, there’s Orion’s Belt ….” He saw the starry sky in a structured, compartmentalized way. I said, “When I look up, I see a sea of stars in an endless array of different sizes and formations …. too many to count, or even discern. I just love to soak in the beauty of it all.” And so I wondered whether the stark difference in the way we saw the night sky was a function of gender (i.e. ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’) or was it simply that our personalities are such that he see things in black and white and I, in every shade of grey in between.

Which is why I tended (note the past tense) to bite off more than I could chew.

Lesson learned.

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”
~ Mother Teresa

Image via donnamoderna.com (Photo credit: Inga Ivanova)

heatherfromthegrove

a writer's musings…

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